I thought it would be easy: I would just suggest an activity to my friend that didn’t involve drinking, and boom, done. We could still hang out as if nothing had changed. 

But to my surprise, it didn’t go that smoothly. 

I used to have a friend I met up with almost every week for beers. We had known each other for years at this point. When I started my 12-month no-drinking experiment (you can read about it here: https://angelfmorales.com/the-surprising-benefits-of-a-12-month-experiment/), it never occurred to me that I might need to find new friends. I thought I could keep my friends and just do different activities together. 

So, I texted him to let him know that I wasn’t drinking anymore, but that I still wanted to hang out. I asked if he wanted to go bike riding or hiking once a week instead. But to my surprise, he said no. He said he wasn’t interested in those activities and that I should just let him know when I wanted to meet up for beers again.

I was shocked. I thought we were friends, and that, at the very least, he would suggest another activity so we could continue hanging out together.

But no. 

Just like that, I had one less friend. 

Over time, a pattern started to form. Some friends were immediately interested in doing new things with me once I told them I had stopped drinking. Some became my cycling friends, my walking-after-work friends, my surfing friends, and so on. But others were not interested at all, and those friendships ended.

During this time, I came to the realization that some of the people I considered friends weren’t really friends. The only thing we had in common were our vices, drinking, smoking, and so on. Once that was removed, there was nothing left.

At first, it was difficult to lose some of those friendships, but in the end, it was a good thing. The relationships with the friends who remained became closer. We could share more, work on things together, or help each other.

Some of those friends even became my first coaching clients or business partners.

And with all the free time and money I suddenly had (I found out I was spending a surprising amount of time and money drinking), I started going to courses, seminars, retreats, and different groups. 

There, I found people with whom I had much more in common than just drinking or partying. 

We could have deep conversations, some of them life-changing. We shared struggles, encouraged, and supported each other. And surprisingly, I even met my wife in one of these groups.

So in the end, finding out who my true friends were changed my life. Losing some friends turned out to be a good thing.

So what about you? 

Has this ever happened to you, realizing someone you considered a friend actually wasn’t?

Until next time,

Angel