I had all these plans for the weekend: wake up early, bike to the beach, read a new book, maybe meet some friends. Instead, I’m lying in bed with a huge headache. Again. I drank too much last night, and now the whole weekend feels wasted. Fuck! I can’t keep doing this anymore.
The truth is, it didn’t start this way. Like many things in life, it all began as fun. In my early 20s, drinking, smoking, and experimenting with substances felt exciting. I could party all night, sleep an hour or two, and still show up to work. It became part of my lifestyle: a beer after work (or during work), getting drunk on weekends, smoking while drunk, the occasional hookah session, and so on.
But after turning 30, things started to change. Recovering from a night out took one day, then two, then three. A couple of beers gave me a hangover, moderate drinking made me throw up, and weed left me dizzy and nauseated. Slowly but surely, substances felt less and less fun, and more like they were just not worth the days of recovery and feeling like shit.
I tried to stop drinking for a month at a time, or to drink less, but it felt impossible. Every time I went out with friends, I had to decide: do I drink? If yes, how many? Should I just go all in and make up for it next weekend? It was mentally exhausting, and most of the time it just didn’t work.
So what if I just stopped completely? This thought got louder and stronger.
During my first (Vipassana) silent meditation retreat in December 2017, I thought about it a lot, but I felt I couldn’t do it. Alcohol is such an integral part of being social; how could I manage? I didn’t want to stay home doing nothing while my friends were out partying and having fun. A year later, during my second retreat in December 2018, I met a guy who worked as an event organizer for famous clients (Paris Hilton, Burning Man, etc.). He was tall, athletic, and so good-looking I thought he was a model. He was in his late 30s but looked 21. While talking, he told me he didn’t drink at all and hadn’t for over a decade. I was shocked and inspired. Immediately, I thought: if this guy, whose job is to be at parties, can do it without drinking, then so can I!
At that retreat, I realized wasting every weekend hungover wasn’t taking me where I wanted to go. I wanted to be financially independent, to retire early, to invest, to learn new things, and to start businesses. So I made a plan: after the retreat, I had already planned a trip to México with three of my best friends, where I’d still drink and smoke. That would be my last hurrah. After that, I’d start an experiment: 12 months without drinking. I’d take notes, track how I felt, notice the positives and negatives, and then decide: do I go back or continue?
I wanted to start my experiment on a high note, so on January 6th, 2019, I had my last drink. I was at a beach concert in Oaxaca, listening to my favorite artists, enjoying good conversation, and having fun, dancing the night away at the beach. It was a great time.
At first, I only planned to stop drinking. But after a month, I noticed I hadn’t smoked or done drugs either. So I thought: why not stop everything and be fully sober for 12 months?
The most surprising part of this experiment was people’s reactions. Before, when I tried not drinking for a month, people judged me, laughed, and told me to stop messing around. But now, when I said I was doing an experiment, and I was taking notes, people respected it right away, they were curious, and even inspired. Sometimes I didn’t even have to explain. Friends would say: “Hey guys, Angel is doing a 12-month experiment and isn’t drinking, get him some water instead.” It was great!
I kept an Excel sheet on my phone’s homepage, and whenever I noticed a new pro or con, I would make a note of it right away. After 12 months, my list looked like this (yes, this is the actual list):
Surprisingly, the pros far outweighed the cons! I also felt great: I was saving money, investing over 50% of my income, meditating consistently, exercising, sleeping much better, and my body felt healthier overall. I had so much time to work on my side projects, and was making real progress on my goals (I did lose some friends, but that’s a story for another day). So after the 12 months, the choice was easy. It wasn’t even a choice anymore. I just knew I didn’t want to go back to my old ways.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes miss a cold beer on a hot summer day, a nice glass of wine with a charcuterie board, smoking hookah with friends, taking a pill to dance all night long, or even the chance to try some interesting drug. But those moments are so few and far between that it just isn’t worth going back to the constant back-and-forth of deciding when to do it and when not to. I don’t know if I’ll be sober for the rest of my life, but for now, this is where I’m at: one decision, made 80 months ago, and counting.
Life is much easier when you make a decision only once.
So what about you?
Is there a decision you’ve been wanting to make, but haven’t yet? Or maybe there is an experiment you’ve been wanting to try? I would love to hear about it, just send me a message and let me know.
Until next time,
Angel
